i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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