I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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