I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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