cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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