Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
