i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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