They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
