Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
