Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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