I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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