Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
