Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
there is glitter all over my balls
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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