what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
