I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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