my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
