By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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