dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
