I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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