There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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