At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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