Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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