Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
