well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize