Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
