I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
