she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
