He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
