if only i could text you this smell
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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