He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
