just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
