I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
