did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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