the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
