Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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