the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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