i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize