Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize