I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
