Nicole vs. Life
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
