He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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