i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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