someone get that fucking seahorse.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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