is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
