were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
