just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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