I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
