You smell like stripper and shame
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
