Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
