You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
