2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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