im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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