Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
