Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
