just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
How's work?
Spinning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
