don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize