I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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