Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
