new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They took my balls.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
