Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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