you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
