I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
