I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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