He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
