my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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