i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
