that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
