On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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