I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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