Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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