Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
