every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
