Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
