you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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